So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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