I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
