I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
