the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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