dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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