never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
