in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You did what with his pubic hair?
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