I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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