Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
