Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
