my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
