You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
