Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
