I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
