he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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