She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
