Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
