I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
