I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
