we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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