Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
