the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
