i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
