All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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