Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I currently don't understand fingers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
