When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
