We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
