Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
