Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
