Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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