Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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