My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
