We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
