Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
