if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
