so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
