the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
