sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
