Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
