Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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