Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
