man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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