If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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