I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
