I wish I could teleport
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
