so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
