Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
