ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
