I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
