Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
